I have made some significant improvement on my recovery journey lately due to therapy, choosing the right career path, and taking anti-depressants. I’ve started to understand myself beyond a small-talk acquaintance level.
Once I started to look into myself and asking myself what I truly want, I became more acceptable of how others view me, and stopped constantly struggling to project an attractive image that makes me acceptable. I have learnt to be raw, and to be flawed, and to be okay with that.
There are a few things I want to do better in the following weeks.
I want to sleep more, by playing more during the day. I learnt that in order to not procrastinate and sleep on time, I need to feel relaxed and also properly stimulated. Before the time I go to sleep, I need to have a few hours of relaxation time, otherwise I would absolutely not be able to fall asleep and will procrastinate until midnight. Instead of blaming myself, I accept the procrastination as a scream for help, a scream for more fun time, and will make changes to ensure I enjoy my time after work more.
I want to be more present, even in my sex life. When I worked in a law firm, I thought about work, office politics, and deadlines 24/7. When I hiked, I would think about work the whole time to the summit, and will only be able to stop thinking about it when I am going downhills.
When I had sex after my firm job, I would still be thinking about making the tiniest typos, and receiving a bad review on a minor project. I just could not relax. Now, I find it so utterly pathetic to not be able to have sex without thinking about work, and I will never work in an unfullfilling work enviroment that kills all my sex drive again. At the firm, I felt like a burnt-out 64 year old firm partner who was having sex with a sex worker, and had to take Viagra everytime. I never want to feel that way again.
I want to focus more on satisfying my cravings for healthy snacks. I crave carbs, a lot of the times. I love chocolate, and I enjoy fruits, vegan yogurt, and almond butter. I need to make more easy and yummy desserts, maybe from my favorite cookbook, Chocolate Covered Katie! I want to use my creativity and concentration on food, one of the most soothing things in my life.
Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!